be your own palace
or the world is your jail

The first week of May, I had my very first vacation! Now what was the occasion, you may ask? I think I would be well within my rights to say, "because I deserve it," but I actually had an even better reason: my sister came to visit me! It was an 8 day whirlwind trip, starting the trip inland in San Ignacio and my village, then making our way to the islands of Caye Caulker and San Pedro, Ambergris Caye. 

Vacation here? I'll take it

My host brother was kind enough to pick my sister up from the airport, so we headed over, me with my sign in tow, and awaited her arrival. I can’t really describe how it felt to see my sister in person after a year apart.

I had overbooked my poor sister because I was so excited about her actually seeing and experiencing everything from my daily life here. Saturday had us meeting my friends at a local favorite, Guava Limb Café, and then exploring San Ignacio’s nightlife.

View from the hotel

selection of Guava Limb's best

Red Velvet Cheesecake, a must-have

Sunday we ventured into Cahal Pech, and then proceeded to relax and enjoy our hotel’s pool and amenities.

Leading the way

I see you!

Breakfast at Pop's, one of my fave places

Teva tan strong

That beautiful Belizean sunset

Sunset, poolside

Monday, I took my sister to my village. This was such an emotional moment for me. For my sister to meet my host family, to see firsthand where I live and work, where I walk and buy groceries and exercise and bathe in the river, was more than I could ever hope for. We had always talked about her visiting my village, but I know that people can be (understandably) hesitant about venturing off the beaten path and experiencing rural life in a foreign country. My sister took the bus, walked around the village, chatted with my host family, and even enjoyed a Fanta from our local store. She did it! I was so proud. 

sweaty bus ride full of excitement

me, blood sister, host sister sippin on soda: a beautiful moment

Early Tuesday morning, we were off to Caye Caulker. We went snorkeling, and I got to introduce my sister to the joys of the Split.

Captivated by the water

Landed at paradise

Hammock life for me

yes to mini-donuts always

there I am, snorkeling w the sharks!

Welcome to The Split

The best spot

Our last leg of the trip was in San Pedro. Here, we enjoyed beach time, a sunset cruise, and some amazing shrimp tacos that were not photographed because I could not wait that long before consuming them.

The turtle we could photograph

:)

Sunset cruise smiles

Sunset in progress

Did I feel seaduced? Maybe a bit

Not sure what's happening

Hearty breakfasts

Repping my country in my new home

Then of course, the day of her departure came around incredibly quickly, and I suddenly found myself on a bus back inland, sobbing while the lady next to me pointedly looked away and out the window.  I regained my composure halfway between Belize City and Belmopan, but I still felt burdened by sadness; having my sister here reawakened the part of me I try not to think about while living in Belize: how I miss my family, friends, and American life.

Having my sister visit me and taking a “real” vacation meant that I could be completely myself. Village life can be a tremendous balancing act that I continue to learn how to perfect. It's stressful, truly a 24/7 job as I must present myself at work and at home with my host family in a way that best represents the professional and representative of the United States I am. My life is at times rewarding, challenging, lonely, and frustrating, often all in the same day, so having the time with my sister was a way to mentally recharge and relax. Who better to do that with than the person whom I grew up with, shared my secrets with, who knows the most about me and still loves me anyway? 

 It took a few weeks for me to write this blog post because it was so hard for me to relive our trip while going back to daily life here. I needed time to pick up the momentum and attend to my work here. It was the worst case of post-vacation blues I've ever experienced. I had to regain my motivation, remember my purpose, put in the time in my village, go back to work with my CHW and school to relearn the daily routine, and remember the joy I feel when I have small victories in my everyday life. Now, I can look back and smile and not completely dissolve into tears when I think about our trip, while continuing my quiet life in my village. 

I’m eternally grateful to my sister for being my first visitor here and providing me with a dream vacation. She set the bar high, so anyone else planning on visiting, beware! But if you buy me shrimp tacos, that will help your ranking…

I've had yet another change- a new host family. Although not as dramatic as changing sites, joining a new family can be anxiety-inducing. Host family living is, without a doubt, one of the hardest aspects of Peace Corps service, specifically in a country like Belize where volunteers are required to live with host families for the entire 27 months of service. Every community has its challenges but generally, there are workable things: resources, motivated work partners, something good to focus on (although out of all people, I know that some challenges can be just too much for one PCV to bear. I’m the exception to the rule, of course). But the host family is a make or break part of your experience. A home should be a place where you decompress and relax; the life of a PCV is stressful enough, and having to live with an incompatible family can just amplify the stress and leave you feeling trapped. 

There have been multiple host family changes in my group because there’s no way to predict how a host family and volunteer relationship will be, no matter how intensive the screening or how many interviews are conducted. I've seen the physical signs of stress in my friends because of these negative experiences; I've heard the stress in their voices as they recount the latest issue that has come up. I don’t think I can overstate how incredibly important a positive host family experience is. There is no such thing as a perfect family, and of course there will be issues that come up and the inevitable awkward situations, but the standard day-to-day living should be easy, smooth, and even enjoyable. I’m lucky to still be in contact with my training family and my host family from my first site, and I have plans to visit them again soon. And though I switched homes in this new village, I still have a friendly relationship with my old host mom. Yet again, those unknowable “factors beyond my control” led to this move. Peace Corps is all about the factors beyond my control. At this point, the only thing I can control is my reaction to those factors.

And I really appreciate that my new host family is warm and welcoming. There are no children in the house, which at first was strange for me because all of my host families in Belize have had children. It’s funny because as an adult, I have only ever lived with adults in the States, but being surrounded by children was my new norm here. My experience informed my belief that children can help you integrate into a community more easily. While I still think this is extremely true when you are first starting out, now that I have been in my community for almost three months and have been in the school on a regular basis, I feel like the kids pretty much know me and many villagers know me by sight. The earliest, hardest part of integration is over, and now I can focus on strengthening connections with adults. What better way than to be in a house with adults who know most of the people in the village? Also, while children can be a great help in learning the language, my background in Spanish means that speaking with adults would be more beneficial for me to learn the local nuances of the dialect.

Plus, there’s the whole balcony situation:

But it’s not all scenic views and breezy relaxation. It’s frustrating having to do the getting to know you dance for the 4^th time now, and having to explain my work, schedule, interests, and food preferences yet again while learning the same about a new family. I feel a bit disconnected by yet another move, almost like I’m anticipating something else that will disrupt my service. I’m trying to avoid becoming jaded by these experiences, though. My new host family actually seems like a better fit, solidifying my belief that everything happens for a reason. I still feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude when I think about how I was sent to serve in this beautiful country that has so much to offer, and I don't see that feeling subsiding anytime soon. 

Also, that balcony.